It’s Monday the 17th (Happy Saint Patrick’s Day, people), and I still have no news with regards to the final run of tests on my HIV. Last Friday, I decided to call the centre in Hull where I was first diagnosed, to try and get some news, but all I was told is that the lovely Janet, my so-called counsellor and feckless cow extraordinaire, has buggered off to the Bahamas for a week. She didn’t pass my notes on to her colleague Jill, and so all that Jill knows is that I don’t have gonorrhoea. Which is nice. And so ends the mini-saga of the gonorrhoea results (long story, but essentially the samples were sent off without the paperwork and so the microbiology lab had a conniption and decided that they weren’t going to run said samples. Children.)
And so I have booked an appointment to go and see Janet when I get back to Hull, to “give her a good dressing down and forcibly remove her artificial hips.” This is what I actually said, and Jill agreed and gave me a time. We like Jill. But seriously, this is meant to be an update, and so I’ll do my best to let you know what’s going on.
I’m still fairly numb, but I know that any day now, it’s going to hit me. By keeping myself unfeasibly busy, I’ve managed to prevent myself from sitting down and really thinking about it because I’m a worrier at the best of times. I wouldn’t recommend this to anyone, but it’s just how I’m doing it at the moment. But I know that any day now, maybe a week or a month down the line, it will sneak up on me and club me round the back of the head. So I think I need to be prepared. Having finally got a chance to talk to one of my friends about it, it seems that it happens to everyone in this situation. And with this afternoon, I will be calling round a few more people I did a bed-share with, seeing if they have had a test recently. I know it’s not right to apportion blame right now, but it would sure as hell make me feel better.
So, what to do in this situation – keep on top of your counsellor – he or she might be great, but in the case of a lovely Janet, you need to change, sharpish. If you don’t like them or can’t seem to get along with them, they aren’t worth your time. Try to keep on top of test results. And stay calm, unless it has already hit you. And if it has, start to come to terms. Most importantly, try to cope. It’s all you can do.
PosLife