PosLife - HIV and Me

How that I’ve finished this job and am now floating about doing odd jobs and trying to get myself organised and registered with Slivers of Time, I think it’s about time to look back on how things have been going. I have the time to write these things now, which is nice, so I might as well crack out a couple of paragraphs here.

Leaving the job has made me a much stronger person. As soon as I learned to mind my own business, it made the job a lot easier. I should probably give you a bit of insight into what the job actually entailed, really. I had to create new files for long-term diagnosed people with HIV. Which might seem like it was rubbing it in my face a little bit, and it was, but anyway. My supervisors quickly became aware of my status as I had to attend a couple of routine medicals and check-ups while I was there, and were soon trying to find me other jobs that I could be doing, just to take up a couple of hours. And they did, and so I did, and by the end of it, I had collected myself a glowing reference and a hell of a lot more respect for the service than I ever had before. So that’s nice. I also found out I can work in that sort of environment without losing the plot entirely. That’s nice, too.

So, right now, I’m trying to sort myself out with the Slivers of Time system. Interesting thing, that, selling your free hours to whatever random employers might pass your way. But now I have a lot of free hours to sell, which is nice.

But anyway, I was thinking on the bus today (I know, public transport. How common.). I’ve actually been healthier since I was diagnosed with having HIV. I haven’t had a serious cold (touch wood. Well, touch veneered MDF. It was wood once, so I’m led to believe), and the few small colds I have had, I’ve been able to get over a lot more quickly than I was previously. Having said that, I did go through a period of around a year pre-HIV infection, during which I was constantly ill and had a lymphocyte count of one. Yes, one. One lymphocyte in a titre of blood. Nowadays, we’re floating around the 300 mark, which is a lot better. I’m not recommending this as a course of action, God no, but… it’s a bit strange.

Might have to look into that.

PosLife

I found at last Friday that I finish my job in three days. The agency neglected to consider that, when you have two people doing a job that one person could ordinarily complete over a period of around two months, it’ll probably only take three weeks or so. But that’s clearly why they work for agencies. People that bright would be wasted in the Civil Service. So I suppose it might be a good time to do another update. What did I get from this job, and so on and so forth.

Well, I mentioned in my last post that I would either come out of this job a stronger person, or something resembling a gibbering wreck. Having staved off the screaming ab-dabs for this long, I think I can say it’s the former. It took me a hell of a long time to realise that you have to switch off and get on with it, and for long enough, I wasn’t happy at all. But I think maybe it’s helped me to come to terms with things a little bit better.

I know now that I don’t want to work with HIV as a disease, though. I’m not sure I could stand it. In a strange way, I guess I just don’t like the methods in which HIV attacks people. It’s a nasty, opportunistic little parasite of a virus, and from a biological perspective, it’s not something I want to include in my career. I think I might be veering a little more back towards Oncology these days. It’s a nasty disease, don’t get me wrong, but at least it’s nowhere near as terminal. And it’s where my original interests lie, so… might have to finish this course and rethink what I’m going to do. That’ll be fun in a few years’ time. Maybe it comes from not having known anyone who is fully coping and coming to terms with their HIV. I know people who have had the most aggressive forms of cancer and come out of it wiser, happier, and much more thankful to be alive. HIV just fucks you right over.

So, moving on to Monday – I’m not sure where I’ll be stationed, and I’m not sure what I’ll be doing with myself. But if I’m lucky, there’ll be a place at Jimmy’s waiting for me. Working in the STI Clinic hasn’t been fun, but it’s kept me busy, the pay is good, and it’s shown me that working with HIV isn’t something I want to do, unless opening a wrist and listening to Zero 7 albums is my idea of a good Saturday night.

Zero 7. Seriously.

PosLife.